Deanna finally began law school which seemed to be incredibly difficult not only on her, but on me as well. I started doing stupid things, like e'mailing other girls, having doubts in Deanna and my relationship...my mind was scattered. Eventually one night I told her that I didn't wanted to be single, so that I wouldn't hurt her in the future. In my head, I wanted to be WITH her, but so many things were unclear, and I just felt as if being single would be the right thing for me to do. I still loved her at the time, however I realized that I was subconsciously building myself a cushion due to her going into law school. I knew that Deanna's main priority was going to be school, which I was having a hard time accepting. I thought that eventually she'd drift away from me, as if she wouldn't have time for me, or she wouldn't need me because of her career....and even more off on the deep end, I began to think about how much time it would take...the 3 years of law school. To me, 3 years is a long time, especially in my condition and all...Would I be able to go 3 years of barely being able to SEE Deanna? What experiences would I be missing if I just tied myself down for those years? But more importantly, would we still be together after those years?
All these thoughts were fluttering around in my head, and eventually we had a melt down discussion filled with all SORTS of emotions regarding our relationship. What it got down to is that I finally was able to feel comfortable with Deanna without needing to experience other things. I've got a few unanswered questions when it comes to girls in my past, and it seemed like I just wanted to know the answers to those questions...But ultimately I understood one final thing...That Deanna was my path. That I didn't need to search for the answers any more, but that I needed to just undergo the challenge with her, just as she's undergone the main challenge with me.
So yeah, that was pretty much the BEGINNING of the month! I also started working at the law office that Deanna works at too! It's been a great experience, everyone is very nice and my coworkers are all about my age so that's a bonus too. It's pretty much your typical filing job where you file documents in their corresponding places, do various other projects for paralegals and such...it's VERY laid back, and I love it so far.
I've been getting a bit sick lately which sucks. Congested, lack of appetite, feverish, tight in my chest, low energy, low motivation....UGH things can hit hard and quick when I get sick. I've been trying to kick it off with some Tobi, and I plan to get back on my feeds when I kick this off...I'm just hoping that it's going to be in time for Evo.
Evolution is just around the corner in 6 days....I fly out on the 16th and don't come back till the 20th (Deanna I'm gonna MISS YOU!). I'm VERY excited for it, and I just can't explain how much fun it'll be. To be honest, I haven't been practicing much for the tournament as of the past week. I've taken it very easy really...I've been playing Final Fantasy 7 a lot to take my mind off of the fevers and pressures of practice. As I was telling Deanna, I just don't think that there's anything that I'm going to learn from here until Evo that's going to be SO GROUND BREAKING that it'll put me over the edge of the competition.
It's kinda like how me and Mandel and Apoc were talking one night about the NBA Finals. Mandel was saying that the Magic was practicing a LOT before the finals in order to prepare themselves for the Lakers. Meanwhile the Lakers were just relaxing, chillin out, waiting for finals to come. Game 1 happens, and the Magic gets crushed by the Lakers by (what I think was) a 20 point deficit. Apoc said something to this theme as well, it was more in Street Fighter terms though. He was telling us how he remembered that at one Evolution, he saw one of the Wolfe Brothers (arguably one of the best ST players in the US) play 8 hours before the tournament itself. Now from what I remembered, he was CHAMPION of the last Evo, yet was STILL not confident in his ability, that he needed to put in this extra work to somehow get that competitive edge.
So with all the examples given, let me give you MY OWN example real quick, better yet an analogy. For those familiar with Dragon Ball Z (hahahah, didn't see that one coming did ya?), there is a time where Cell pretty much says "Fight me at this tournament...if you beat me, I won't destroy the planet." Now what does the smart HERO (Goku) do? He trains for a bit, then 1 week before the tournament, he takes his son (Gohan, who is also a fighter in the tournament) and they go hang out with their family all week. What do the OTHER fighters do? All these other fighters are taking turns practicing in this place called the "Hyperbolic Time Chamber" where you can spend 1 day in it, but it's the equivalent of 1 year...But basically, yeah they're spending EVERY SINGLE DAY PRACTICING...Trying to becomes stronger. But at the end of the tournament, who wins? Gohan...one of which who took it easy.
Coming into such an event with this extended amount of pressure: "I've worked SO HARD, I GOTTA do good!" This is only going to deter your game I believe. I think that one of the best things to do before a critical event like this, is to let your subconscious mind rest and take in everything that's been going on. Don't force upon practice, don't try to push yourself to a point that is going to make you burn out...let things flow naturally, and give your mind and body the ability to rest.
Well, I'll come back to you with another post after evo!
- Michael
